Cat Jones | Managing Editor
Okay, so I’ve worked at an independent art supply store for nearly four years now, and let me tell you, as anyone working in retail for that long will: I have seen some of the craziest, most illogical and downright comically stupid people I ever thought imaginable.
Over the past year and a half or so, I have kept an ever-growing list of pet peeves in my work apron (yes, really), and I have decided to start this blog by sharing some of my favorites with the world. Enjoy.
Pet Peeve #1: People who won’t get off of their cell phones, especially while I’m trying to ring them up.
I don’t know when living in 2010 started to equate to “I don’t have manners,” but talking on your phone, regardless of the fact that it’s hands-free, is incredibly rude to do while trying to get me to help you. There are many questions I might have to ask you, and if I can’t get a word in edgewise, you’re not going to make me happy. And you’re holding up the line. In turn, I will not end up giving you good customer service, and it will all be your fault. Also, our store is relatively small, so if I can hear your stupid conversation about how your kid’s bake sale went, I’m probably not going to go out of my way to help you.
I should also add that if you’re walking around the store talking on your Bluetooth device and I can’t see it, I will probably avoid you anyway because I will deduce that you have split-personality disorder.
Pet Peeve #2: People who return things within an hour of buying them.
Are you that indecisive? Did you really buy ten different-colored mats so that you could take them all home and see which looked best on the stick figure drawing your artist child prodigy made at school today? Did you decide that you really wanted a silver frame, even though I spent fifteen minutes explaining to you why that would look horrible? Okay, I’ll take the nails and glass out of your frame that I painstakingly put together, so that I can put it back out on the floor with holes in it for the next customer.
Oh, what did you say? You paid for your $5 purchase with a debit card? Great. I’ll return it onto the same card so that the credit card company can charge us twice when you’re not actually paying us anything. Awesome! The local economy thanks you.
Pet Peeve #3: People who inform me of the price of something rather than letting me scan it.
“Oh, this? It’s $27.95.” Bar codes are there for a reason. Why do you think I’m standing there holding a scanner? Inventory will be completely wrong if I take your word for it. Yes, I really do have to scan every single one of your colored pencils, even though they’re all the same price. Am I making you late for something? I don’t care. Maybe you should have bought the boxed set. And no, getting impatient isn’t going to speed up the process.
Pet Peeve #4: People who hand me a debit card and insist on running it as credit.
The concept of a debit card seems to be lost on a lot of people, especially in the older generations. Yes, this is shaped like a credit card, but your money is still going to come out of your checking account regardless of what way I run it. It may take a couple more days, but it’s coming from the same place. Get it? You forgot your PIN? Jesus, don’t you ever need to go to the ATM? It’s 2010. You’re a fool. And no, we don’t charge you. We will, however, get charged more if we run it as credit, so unless that’s the only way you’re going to get your frequent flier miles, don’t be so lazy.
Pet Peeve #5: People who ask me where something is and then look in the opposite direction of where I’m pointing.
I don’t really think this needs much explaining. This happens almost every day and makes me lose faith in humanity once again every time. Don’t go through the trouble of asking me a question if you’re not even going to look at me when I respond. I’m surprised you’ve gotten this far in life.
Pet Peeve #6: People who come in without shoes.
I realize we don’t have a “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service” sign on our door, but really, isn’t that kind of implied? I’m not even going to go into the fact that we’re a somewhat upscale store. It’s just logical. We sell frames. This means we have glass everywhere. If I had a dollar for every time I cut myself on glass at work, I’d be ridiculously rich, and quite frankly, I don’t want our store to deal with a lawsuit just because you were too stupid to wear shoes. You look like an idiot anyway.
Pet Peeve #7: Hippies and their patchouli oil obsession.
This actually goes hand-in-hand with pet peeve #6. I’m only going to say this once, so listen up, kids: patchouli oil does not smell good. It is not a substitution for deodorant. It isn’t going to cover up the fact that you haven’t showered in a week. It isn’t going to make your repulsive dreadlocks stop reeking. And frankly, it makes me want to vomit. As if those aren’t enough reasons to convince you, it makes the store smell like you for a half an hour after you leave. I get it, though. You’re making a statement. You want us all to know that you don’t want to pollute your body with cancer-causing chemicals. Well I don’t want you polluting my nose with your stench, so please go away.
Pet Peeve #8: People who walk in with a list of things they need and ask me to get them before trying to find them all themselves.
I understand that you may not know where we keep the artist chamois or the number-two pencils, but the least you could do is walk around the store, find what you can, and then enlist my assistance. It’s my job to help you, but treating me like your waitress isn’t going to make me very happy. And sitting there on your cell phone while I carry a basket around the store, picking out all of the 47,534,854 things you need is pretty rude. Fake it if you have to; I don’t care.
Pet Peeve #9: This conversation:
Customer: “How much is this?”
Me: “Oh, there should be a poster next to it with a list of prices.”
Customer: “Oh. Can you just scan it?”
If there is one thing that retail has taught me above most other things, it is the fact that people rarely read anything that is put in front of them. Aside from the fact that it makes me worried for the fate of mankind, I wonder why I wasted so much time putting that sign together.
What is everyone always in such a hurry for? Should I be jealous?
Pet Peeve #10: People who don’t take off their bike helmets when entering public establishments.
Above all, I think this is just distracting for me because I want to laugh at how dorky you look, and the entire time I’m working with you, I’m secretly dying to ask you if you received a message from the future that we’re about to have an earthquake. If you have, by all means, tell me! I’d like to live, and we have many breakable things.
Retail is awesome! Really though, I love my job.